For years after my diagnosis I fought constantly against the the paranoia and the delusions my mind was supplying. It was churning them out at a feverish pace and it everything I could do to fight them tooth and nail.
As you can imagine, this left very little mental energy for me to actually live my life. I was constantly in fear of leaving my house, talking to other people or even just buying milk at the grocery store. It was a battle for me not to be completely consumed by every strange thought that I had, every notion that someone was doing or saying something that in reality they probably weren’t.
I was blinded and delirious from my paranoia and delusions for a long time until something happened. In a therapy session with a therapist that I saw for all of four times she told me to just accept it. This didn’t sink in until a few months down the line when I was no longer seeing her because I thought that she was judging me and conspiring against me.
Anyway it happened on a cold morning in February or something and I was just sitting outside on my balcony smoking, fighting to my last breath with the thoughts that were in my head and I was tired and the notion of accepting my delusions just popped into my head.
Acceptance is a powerful thing because you’re saying to your fears, I accept you and you no longer have power over me. It’s a transformative moment when you can finally sit comfortably with all things that are bothering you. It’s as if you’re flipping a switch between darkness and light of a normal life. You just sit there and you think, you’re not that bad, why was I fighting so hard to get rid of you?
So how then does one stop fighting and accept their fears? Just think of the things that cause you the most pain, the most turmoil and say “I accept that”. Start with the heaviest things and move up the scale until you’re comfortable with your demons. They’ll still be there for sure but once you stop fighting them and let them do the worst (which in reality isn’t that bad) you can feel the weight of things just melt off your shoulders, you can see that the world isn’t nearly as hard as you were making it out to be and you can finally, finally be comfortable in your own skin.
It took me years to see the power of acceptance but once I used it and it started working for me it effectively made me stable, perfectly normal as an aside to my label of mental illness.
There are benefits of it too that far outweigh the momentary relief. I was in a daze of happiness for weeks after I incorporated acceptance into my thoughts and I don’t doubt that it can help anyone else as well.
If you’re having a hard time, if you’re just exhausted from fighting your own thoughts give it a try, you’ll be amazed by it’s power.
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