Throughout our lives we’re bombarded by moments and circumstances that can throw us off.
Whether it’s stress at work or paranoia, we’re all confronted from time to time by things have the potential to derail our progress in stability.
Having lived with schizophrenia for ten years there have been more times than I can count where, though it seems I’ve only been taking steps forward, I get thrown another curve ball and begin to fall into my pit again.
I only call it my pit because it’s become so familiar and as messed up as it sounds, there have been times where I’m more comfortable in the pit than I could ever be out of it.
The point is, I know what it’s like to feel as if your progress has been stifled. I know how it easy it can be to lose yourself in thoughts about a certain situation or a certain circumstance.
Just last week, everything seemed fine, I was bordering on happy (as strange as that sounds) and then I pull into my apartment complex and all of the sudden I’m bombarded by an incredibly strong paranoia that the kids on the basketball court and my neighbors, looking out their windows or out on their decks were laughing about me.
I was thrown into a loop of wondering what they thought about me and if they were making fun of me. Maybe it was the way I was walking or maybe my pants were falling down or maybe it was the look on my face. Regardless, I had the overwhelming feeling that they were laughing at me.
As funny as it sounds, this is progress, there was a time not too long ago when that notion would overwhelm me and I’d be certain what I thought was happening was actually happening. There was a point where I wouldn’t have been able to separate what my mind was telling me from reality and that is the very definition of psychosis.
Suffice it to say, these moments of paranoia happen from time to time and the best thing you can do in trying moments like that is just realize that you can get through it. If you keep in mind the reality that these thoughts, whatever they are, will pass it makes things that much easier.
For me I rushed up to my apartment and within a few minutes I was feeling better again.
The point of all this is to reiterate the fact that you are strong in dealing with psychosis, paranoia and delusions. You are so much stronger than anyone else because you can ride these rapids of self-doubt and confusion like a pro river guide.
Everyday it gets an iota easier to deal with. Every instance of paranoia is another notch and put together they amount to an immense amount of strength regarding living with mental illness.
You are powerful in ways that normal people don’t realize because you deal with these moments with grace, you train yourself to live through the pain until it gets to a point where it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.
If you’re not at that point yet and are still struggling just know that it get’s easier, you get stronger every time you come up against something and in time, your stability will be all but unbreakable.
It’s also important to remember that you are never alone in dealing with this. Please don’t think that you are. If you need help talk to someone.
If you remember one thing, remember that you are strong.
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