Archive for Happiness

Don’t Count Your Eggs Before They Hatch

A lot has been happening in my life.

I’ve had a lot of really exciting opportunities for which I’m incredibly thankful, but I’ve also had many potential opportunities that fell through. Sometimes they fell through based on my inability to do the work, sometimes it just wasn’t the right fit and sometimes it was no fault of my own and extenuating circumstances got in the way.

Starting out, I would get overly excited about these opportunities. They would spark an excitement in me that, frankly, was hard to contain. When they fell through though, I would be crushed.

Experience has taught me better than to count on something like that for any measure of success and self worth. The truth of it is your self worth doesn’t depend on what you’ve accomplished, although you can be proud of yourself, self worth comes from within. Read More →

How to Talk to Your Doctor About Meds

As anyone who has read my posts knows, the last few weeks have been touch and go. I’ve had some depression and paranoia problems which have accounted for a lot of weirdness in my daily life, from dealing with neighbors, to just generally being out in public. There was even a die when I went as far into my head as to contemplate what would happen were I to die.

Thankfully, this time I refrained from posting about on facebook, instead letting my family know. My family is my main support structure and thankfully we were able to get me in to see my psychiatrist to tweak my meds.

For the two weeks leading up to the appointment though, I was nervous, my doctor was assigned to me by the community mental health center and I’d be lying if I said she’s not exactly my favorite person in the world. That being said, I was worried that when I would go in she would want to change around all of my meds and get me on something new and completely different than the cocktail that has essentially worked for me for years. It would be safe to say I don’t entirely trust my new doctor but I seem to always forget that most of the time, doctors have my best interest in mind. Read More →

Why Kindness Matters

The last few months have been hard for me. I’ve had some issues with depression and paranoia. Living with schizophrenia is a rollercoaster and even little blips can turn into crises.

This depression though, has had me feeling a deep sense of loneliness, the paranoia makes me feel ostracized from the world and it’s really hard to feel like no matter where you go, you’ll never fit in.

This was weighing on me the other day until something happened that struck me and it put a long overdue smile on my face that was sorely needed.

It wasn’t anything big, it was just some minor little show of gratitude that reinforced the idea to me that people can be kind to each other.

Read More →

Please Consider Supporting Me on Patreon

Hey Schizoblog followers,

Mike Hedrick here, your loyal writer. This past week I made a post about struggling to support myself and Matt left a comment saying a could join Patreon to get some help with my efforts on the schizophrenia blog.

My page can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/thehedrick

For those of you who don’t know (as I didn’t) Patreon is a tool used by creators to fund their projects through the support of patrons like you. When you pledge to support my work, each month pattern takes your pledges and allows me to use them for hosting the blog, paying my bills and general life satisfaction.  Read More →

The Thing About Solitude

This week The Atlantic shared a video in it’s Editor’s Picks series called ‘The Benefits of Living Alone on a Mountain’. It followed a young man named Leif Haugen, a forest service fire fighter who manned the Thoma fire lookout in Montana. For three months out of the year, Leif lives alone in solitude at the lookout on top of a mountain.

Watching the video, I couldn’t help but feel a rather fervent mix of desire and fear.

Living in solitude like that, with no one to talk to and nothing to distract you but books and chores seems like a dream to me. At the same time though, it made me wonder if, were I to live like that, I would get lonely.

It seems like it’d be a pretty deep loneliness too. Read More →

You Can’t Force Things to Happen

It’s been tough getting to sleep the last few nights.

I’ll go to bed and turn off the light and then the thoughts start pouring in. I’ll worry that I didn’t do the right thing in any number of situations during the day or I’ll worry about the work I have to do the next day or I’ll worry that no matter what I do, I’ll never be closer to my dream of buying a house in the mountains.

It occurred to me last night while I was lying there though, that you can’t force sleep. If you try to fall asleep and see that you’re not, that’s just one more thing to worry about. The sleep will come, it always does and there’s no point in trying to force it to happen.

The thought then occurred to me that that notion is true for a lot of things, love, success, peace and life in general.

Read More →

How to be Happy

Happiness is a tough one.

We spend a lot of our time and billions of dollars trying to obtain this goal of trying to be happy but, inevitably, we find ourselves back in the grind of it all, dreading going to work, dreading doing the myriad errands and responsibilities it takes to live as a human being in this multifaceted world.

The thing about happiness is though, it’s not supposed to be an all-the-time thing.

Happiness is like a chocolate bar where you break small pieces off every now and again as a kind of vacation from the real world. Read More →

Making Friends When You Have Mental Illness

I have a hard time making friends.

To my credit though and to the credit of my chronic mental illness, it’s hard to trust anyone that much when you think everyone is making fun of you.

This anxiety isn’t the only facet of schizophrenia that I live with, there are also the delusions of grandeur, the psychosis that the TV is sending you secret messages and the constant aching knowledge that you’re crazy. At it’s worst, it’s hard to even manage getting out of bed in the morning but with meds and a lot of work on myself those things don’t bother me that much anymore. Read More →

Relearning to Love Yourself

I have a confession to make. I have a reminder on my phone that goes off every morning at 8 o’clock that says simply, “You’re awesome”. This might sound dumb but you’d be surprised how often I forget that fact.

This is just one tool in my arsenal of tricks that I use to combat the depression and paranoia that come with a mental illness.

I’ve been in some pretty dark places and I’ve thought many times about putting an end to things when I’m having a hard time but then every day at eight my phone vibrates and I’m reminded that I’m awesome.

Therapists and gurus talk about the power of positive self talk and I’ll be the first to admit that I have as hard a time talking nicely to myself as anyone else but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t work. Read More →

It’s Ok to Take it Easy Sometimes

This past few weeks has been pretty chaotic for me.

Money has been an issue, I moved to a new city, my nephew was born, I got a new writing job, I had my 29th birthday, I had to housesit for a while and on top of everything else I’ve been working myself into a tizzy over a potential relationship which may or may not work out.

All said and done, I came to the realization last night that yes, I had done it, I had overwhelmed myself wholly and completely.

Stress can be a killer, even more so for someone who has a mental illness. Read More →