Archive for depression

How to Ask For Help In A Crisis

I have lived with schizophrenia for eight years. In those eight years I have gone through cycles of wellness and while it primarily gets better with each passing day, there are still periods here and there where life becomes too overwhelming or where I push myself too hard and then I feel the intense crushing weight of existence on my shoulders.

In those times I tend to retreat, not only to my apartment but into myself. I lay there on my couch staring at the TV, emotions flowing through my spine and it’s all I can do not to keep myself from crying.

Sometimes the feeling lasts for only a day or two, other times it builds until there’s a tipping point where I make some declaration of exasperation and throw my family into a tizzy of worry.

Yes it’s been ten years, and yes I’m getting better at recognizing my moods and the way things are going but there are still nights where I would be ok if I didn’t wake up in the morning. Read More →

The Stages of Grief After a Mental Illness Diagnosis

In the ten years that I’ve lived with schizophrenia, I’ve seen good days and horrible days, I’ve had successes and I’ve had failures but nothing can compare to the despair I felt in the first few months and years of living with the illness.

They say there are five stages of grief when you lose a loved one. I can tell you from personal experience that those five stages also exist and are just as intense when you’re told you’re crazy.

Instead of losing someone you loved you’ve lost yourself or at least your conception of yourself.

First there’s denial, in my case I didn’t believe my diagnosis, I thought “they’re all playing a trick on me to make me think I’m crazy, it’s all a ruse” I thought the psychiatrists office was a set up and I was so reluctant to accept the diagnosis that I couldn’t even make it through a therapy session without storming out. Read More →

Trying to Handle The Stress of Obligation

I’ve been having some burnout recently. There was an article in Inc. Magazine last week that discussed a study showing that burnout might actually be depression. Personally I’ve found that to be true in small components.

With burnout there exists that same level of apathy and exhaustion when faced with impending tasks and deadlines and the same hopeless feeling that what you are doing isn’t getting you anywhere.

These are minor though, as I view depression as a serious manifestation of these issues as well intense sadness and suicidal ideation and I feel like I have a good handle on what separates the two having experienced both.

What I want to talk about today though is the point at which you experience burnout but can’t take steps to remedy it because it causes stress.

Stress is not a good thing for people with mental illness. I’ve talked about the light switch effect wherein too much stress automatically flips on paranoia and delusion regardless of the steps you take (medication/therapy) to combat these things. Read More →