I’ve discussed the voice in my head here before. It’s the one that seems to always have the right advice, knows what to do, and reassures me when I need it but I’ve always been unclear on where the voice comes from.
In esoteric circles, people talk about connecting with your higher self. As though there’s a part of you that’s on a higher vibrational frequency than your everyday self, the one that you know as you who interacts with the world and carries on in your everyday business.
This higher self is likened to the idea of a type of god, but that god is within you and is you.
Essentially the idea of god is you connecting with the universe on a higher vibration than what you’re feeling as a normal everyday person.
Alternatively, the voice could be the voice of God himself in the christian sense, and I have been chosen to be able to speak with him personally but, to be real, that feels a little too delusional for me and I’m not entirely comfortable with being a conduit to the almighty.
Further still, this voice could be nothing more than my conscience, if that’s something that has been proven to exist.
All I really know for sure is that if I’m wondering about something or if I ask myself a question there’s always an answer that pops up from somewhere in my head, and for some reason, it seems to be much wiser than me.
I’m hesitant to say that it came about with the onset of my illness but I know that I was never that concerned and cogent about what I was doing in high school.
Perhaps it’s a facet of being hyperaware of every tiny thing that’s happening thanks to my paranoia and I am only noticing the voice because I’m very focused on listening to myself now.
Regardless, this dialogue occurs in my head everyday when I’m wondering about something or thinking about a correct course of action for something in my life.
The “Higher Self” explanation seems to fit the best for it but I’m not sure I can ever know, for certain, where this voice comes from.
Another explanation for it, I’ve derived from the third man factor, a mysterious phenomena that’s been reported throughout history where an unseen presence, such as a spirit, provides comfort or support during traumatic experiences. The first common report was by Sir Ernest Shackleton in his 1919 book ‘South’ that detailed his harrowing journey exploring Antarctica where he described the feeling of an incorporeal companion that joined him and his men on the journey ensuring their survival.
Maybe the voice is my incorporeal companion.
Overall though, I don’t know where it comes from, I’m just happy to have it along for the ride.
It has saved me from making innumerable mistakes and it always seems to know the best course of action for what’s happening in my life.
At this point, I’m not concerned with whether talking about this voice will make me sound crazy because, with my diagnosis, I’m already certifiably insane.
Suffice it to say, I’m happy the voice is there, and I’ll listen to it for as long as it points me in the right direction.