The Weight of Depression

It’s no mystery why a good amount of people living with schizophrenia or other major mental illnesses also suffer from depression, sometimes severe.

Be it a function of the illness itself or just the weight of dealing with the extreme circumstances of mental illness, depression is a very real concern.

Mood disorders and mental illness are essentially dance partners in that they move together and affect one another in different ways.

Symptoms of one disorder could trigger symptoms of the other and finding a balance where you can be stable is a long process.

It takes a tremendous amount of self awareness to realize when something is affecting you and manifesting depression.

A drop in mood can set off paranoia and even delusions.

Truly, depression is a serious concern for people living with major mental illness as well as those who don’t exhibit any other symptoms.

Depression can come on as a result of any number of things from the weather, to stress, to relationship issues, and even issues arising at work. It can also come out of nowhere.

In my case, most of the depression I experience is a result of seasonal affective disorder where people report depression symptoms as a result of the changing seasons.

Weirdly though, it’s reversed for me.

Summer is the worst time for me and I’m not entirely sure why.

Every year in the dog days of summer around mid July to August I get the overwhelming urge to just hole up in my apartment, disengage, and isolate.

I just feel miserable.

I’ve contemplated extreme measures like suicide hundreds of times in my life and it never seems to be as strong as it in the deep hot days of summer.

Depression also comes along for me when I’m worried about something for a long time. Most of the time it’s money or relationships but it’s also been times when I just didn’t feel settled, either in work or in life.

Thankfully there were meds to help and along with therapy, I found pathways to feeling better.

It’s an insidious disease though, it can affect every facet of your life to the point where you can’t even fathom getting out of bed in the morning.

It can even make you want to end things.

The desire to kill yourself is a dark and sharp knife that slices at you in the worst moments, it physically hurts to be that depressed.

I wouldn’t choose that feeling for anything.

This is all to say though, that if you’re suffering, I see you, I feel what you’re going through, I’ve been there more times than I can count.

I want you to know that you will eventually feel better.

Meds and therapy can help but time is also the great healer and although it may not seem like it, you’ll come out of it.

It takes an immense amount of strength to carry on when you’re walking through that dark valley but it’s important that you do.

It’s important that you take care of yourself and do what you can to make yourself feel better. Whether that’s calling your mom, or taking a shower or eating a good meal you need to treat yourself well.

Being kind to yourself in moments of darkness can save your life.

If you’re suffering, you can get through this and you can come out the other side. There is help for you if you want it.

I hope you’re ok.

If you or a friend are considering suicide The National Suicide Hotline can provide help for your suffering, Anywhere in the US, at any time just dial 988 and someone can talk.